Have you ever thought about the many ways to build trust in a relationship? I bet you haven't given it much thought, but it is very important. Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first. You might even think that you have to try elaborate ideas, you know, do you think you always need to spice things up? Wrong! Often times predictability is more important than variety in a relationship. The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship. These are just ideas to get your creative juices flowing on the right path...these 7 ideas are a start.
First, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be somewhat predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive. If you are always changing and are unpredictable how can anyone really count on you? Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but that's not the kind of predictability I mean. Most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. We need to know we can count on someone...you need to be reliable and dependable. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out, in good times and in bad.
Secondly, you need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner may not hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice though. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. The words must match the message when you want to build trust in a relationship. Pay special attention here ladies...don't say "nothing" when you mean "something".
Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s abilities, skills and talents. If you can't believe in the other person then you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. You can communicate the truth without being critical of the other person. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things, you will feel like you have been violated and then the trust in the relationship is stagnant or (worse yet) not even there. Your partner will feel as though you have no belief in their strengths and so you must work to find the positive influence they can make on the relationship. Don't criticize them or belittle them.
Fourth, don’t keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. It can be assumed that everything you know will eventually come out anyway. Secrets require an enormous amount of energy on your part. It is energy better spent on building the relationship. Be honest for goodness sakes. If you can't be honest with your significant other then who can you be honest with?
Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don’t make him or her guess what you need. People are not mind readers, you know. If you think they should be and then get all bent out of shape when they aren't able to read your mind then it's really your fault...not theirs. Let them know how you feel. Let them know what you want and need. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish. There is a difference, you know.
Sixth, learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you don’t need to say yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Being subjugated to the other person’s will without any concern for your own good will actually tears down a relationship. You build up a resentment inside until eventually you burst.
Finally, always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationship can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we substantiate who we are just like we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult. Isn't your relationship worth fighting for? Usually anything of any value is.
When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain. That's okay. You know what they say...no pain, no gain. As you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your relationship.
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