It is not easy for you and your ex boyfriend to get back after a breakup. However, there are a few tips that you can follow to have him back again. So many people don’t succeed in winning their ex back. It's not really our fault. No one ever handed us an instruction book when we first started dating that taught us how to handle a breakup. Much less, how to get someone back after a breakup. If you want your ex boyfriend back then these 5 simple steps should help you achieve your goal:
1.The first tip which will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back is to get your head straight. You need to get rid of the negative thoughts. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have to be willing to be strong.
Don't let your emotion and especially depression keep you down. You can't achieve a goal, if you can't keep your emotions in check and your mind clear. Negative thoughts are destructive behavior.
2.Accept that the relationship in its prior form is over. All the wishing in the world isn't going to allow you to go back in time and change the way things happened. You can't let your mind keep wandering into the past.
Focus on what is going on now. If you realize that the relationship of the past wasn't perfect you're heading in the right direction and laying the foundation for you and your ex boyfriend to get back. Remember you are most likely glossing over all the bad stuff that happened. Think about this; the relationship didn't get broke in a day. Don't expect to be able to fix it in a day either.
3.Don't pester your ex boyfriend. Guys just don't like it when girls become obsessive about them. Especially ex boyfriends. You may want to seek comfort by hearing his voice or seeing his face, but if you really want him back, you must back off for a while. Don't continuously call him, text message him, email him, or go to his place or where he hangs out just to see him. Give him time to realize he may have made a mistake. He may begin to actually miss you. If you blow it, you may have a tougher time getting him back.
4.Become an object of desire. If you can, get some new makeup. Get some new clothes. Get a new hairstyle. If you've picked up a few pounds, start exercising and eating healthy. When you look good on the outside, you're going to start feeling better about yourself on the inside. By feeling good on the inside you will be confident and happy. When you're confident and happy, you will project this image to others. You will become an object of desire to men. This includes your ex boyfriend.
5.Take it slow. If you followed steps 1-4 your ex boyfriend at some point will probably get in touch with you. Imagine his surprise when he sees the “new” you from step 4. He will probably be sorry that he broke up with you. Keep your physical contact with him to a minimum, if you do see him.
Seeing you when you are looking your best and seeing that you've become confident and happy will make him desire you. If you limit your physical contact with him, this will drive him crazy. It will probably help to ensure that you don't just jump back into a relationship only to breakup a short time later.
These tips may not be easy for you to do at first. You may want to give in and call him or see him, but you have to resist the temptation. These tips will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back together after a breakup.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Build Trust Into Your Relationship In 7 Ways
Have you ever thought about the many ways to build trust in a relationship? I bet you haven't given it much thought, but it is very important. Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first. You might even think that you have to try elaborate ideas, you know, do you think you always need to spice things up? Wrong! Often times predictability is more important than variety in a relationship. The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship. These are just ideas to get your creative juices flowing on the right path...these 7 ideas are a start.
First, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be somewhat predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive. If you are always changing and are unpredictable how can anyone really count on you? Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but that's not the kind of predictability I mean. Most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. We need to know we can count on someone...you need to be reliable and dependable. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out, in good times and in bad.
Secondly, you need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner may not hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice though. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. The words must match the message when you want to build trust in a relationship. Pay special attention here ladies...don't say "nothing" when you mean "something".
Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s abilities, skills and talents. If you can't believe in the other person then you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. You can communicate the truth without being critical of the other person. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things, you will feel like you have been violated and then the trust in the relationship is stagnant or (worse yet) not even there. Your partner will feel as though you have no belief in their strengths and so you must work to find the positive influence they can make on the relationship. Don't criticize them or belittle them.
Fourth, don’t keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. It can be assumed that everything you know will eventually come out anyway. Secrets require an enormous amount of energy on your part. It is energy better spent on building the relationship. Be honest for goodness sakes. If you can't be honest with your significant other then who can you be honest with?
Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don’t make him or her guess what you need. People are not mind readers, you know. If you think they should be and then get all bent out of shape when they aren't able to read your mind then it's really your fault...not theirs. Let them know how you feel. Let them know what you want and need. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish. There is a difference, you know.
Sixth, learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you don’t need to say yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Being subjugated to the other person’s will without any concern for your own good will actually tears down a relationship. You build up a resentment inside until eventually you burst.
Finally, always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationship can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we substantiate who we are just like we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult. Isn't your relationship worth fighting for? Usually anything of any value is.
When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain. That's okay. You know what they say...no pain, no gain. As you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your relationship.
First, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be somewhat predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive. If you are always changing and are unpredictable how can anyone really count on you? Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but that's not the kind of predictability I mean. Most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. We need to know we can count on someone...you need to be reliable and dependable. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out, in good times and in bad.
Secondly, you need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner may not hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice though. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. The words must match the message when you want to build trust in a relationship. Pay special attention here ladies...don't say "nothing" when you mean "something".
Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s abilities, skills and talents. If you can't believe in the other person then you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. You can communicate the truth without being critical of the other person. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things, you will feel like you have been violated and then the trust in the relationship is stagnant or (worse yet) not even there. Your partner will feel as though you have no belief in their strengths and so you must work to find the positive influence they can make on the relationship. Don't criticize them or belittle them.
Fourth, don’t keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. It can be assumed that everything you know will eventually come out anyway. Secrets require an enormous amount of energy on your part. It is energy better spent on building the relationship. Be honest for goodness sakes. If you can't be honest with your significant other then who can you be honest with?
Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don’t make him or her guess what you need. People are not mind readers, you know. If you think they should be and then get all bent out of shape when they aren't able to read your mind then it's really your fault...not theirs. Let them know how you feel. Let them know what you want and need. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish. There is a difference, you know.
Sixth, learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you don’t need to say yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Being subjugated to the other person’s will without any concern for your own good will actually tears down a relationship. You build up a resentment inside until eventually you burst.
Finally, always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationship can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we substantiate who we are just like we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult. Isn't your relationship worth fighting for? Usually anything of any value is.
When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain. That's okay. You know what they say...no pain, no gain. As you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your relationship.
Are You In A Toxic Relationship?
How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship?
Here are some clues:
If your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others, you might be in a toxic relationship.
If your partner says they love you, but their actions don’t back it up, then you might be in a toxic relationship. (You know, actions do speak louder than words...think about it.)
If your partner is very controlling of everything you do, you might be in a toxic relationship. (i.e. they read your mail, listen in on your phone conversations, call to monitor on your whereabouts throughout the day, etc.)
If they hacked your computer and are reading your email (or just checking your history on your computer to keep you in line) or “showing up” at places where you are just to “check up” on you, take heed.
If your partner tries to make you dependent on them, you might be in a toxic relationship. (i.e. maybe they are making you separate from family and friends that they are not in control of)
If you have changed things about yourself just to please them and not to please yourself then you might be in a toxic relationship.
Toxic people make you feel odd just being around them. It's not so much that they are scaring you, but just making you feel awkward and uneasy...like you have to be on guard and walk on egg shells when you are with them.
So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?
They say love is blind, so maybe you do not recognize these things as they really are. A toxic relationship has a cycle. There’s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation. Then the cycle begins anew. It's a vicious circle.
When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. You may be in the relationship for quite a time before you realize that you are in a toxic relationship.
At that point, it is difficult to get out. You know consciously that you should get out and that the relationship is not healthy for you, but you are already on the emotional roller coaster that, subconsciously, makes ending the relationship very difficult.
One reason for subjecting yourself to this is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, you replicate the patterns of your childhood without even knowing you’re doing it. You view what is happening to you as perfectly normal.
Another thing is this, you may not know any better. You may have already been reduced to believing that you do not deserve anything different.
Still to, you may find that you enjoy taking care of people and you just see this type of relationship as that vehicle. You recognize the care and attention the other person needs and think to yourself that if you only love them enough they will love you and respect you back. Unfortunately, that isn't so.
So...the first step in getting out and staying out of a toxic relationship is to realize that you do have choices. Very often people who stay in these relationships have low self esteem or suffer from depression and think they have no choices.
Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
Don't be one of your own worst enemies. Don't go on a guilt trip that you don't need to go on.
For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.
The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships.
Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.
Others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.
The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Sometimes, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.
The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away. If your significant other realizes that you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you. The cycle will continue just the way it is.
Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection.
Don’t nag the other person. Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.” Don't be demanding, just make your feelings known. Remember that the other person is not a mind reader, but they do need to be made aware of how you feel or they will continue on their rampage of dominance.
If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.
A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.
Here are some clues:
If your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others, you might be in a toxic relationship.
If your partner says they love you, but their actions don’t back it up, then you might be in a toxic relationship. (You know, actions do speak louder than words...think about it.)
If your partner is very controlling of everything you do, you might be in a toxic relationship. (i.e. they read your mail, listen in on your phone conversations, call to monitor on your whereabouts throughout the day, etc.)
If they hacked your computer and are reading your email (or just checking your history on your computer to keep you in line) or “showing up” at places where you are just to “check up” on you, take heed.
If your partner tries to make you dependent on them, you might be in a toxic relationship. (i.e. maybe they are making you separate from family and friends that they are not in control of)
If you have changed things about yourself just to please them and not to please yourself then you might be in a toxic relationship.
Toxic people make you feel odd just being around them. It's not so much that they are scaring you, but just making you feel awkward and uneasy...like you have to be on guard and walk on egg shells when you are with them.
So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?
They say love is blind, so maybe you do not recognize these things as they really are. A toxic relationship has a cycle. There’s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation. Then the cycle begins anew. It's a vicious circle.
When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. You may be in the relationship for quite a time before you realize that you are in a toxic relationship.
At that point, it is difficult to get out. You know consciously that you should get out and that the relationship is not healthy for you, but you are already on the emotional roller coaster that, subconsciously, makes ending the relationship very difficult.
One reason for subjecting yourself to this is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, you replicate the patterns of your childhood without even knowing you’re doing it. You view what is happening to you as perfectly normal.
Another thing is this, you may not know any better. You may have already been reduced to believing that you do not deserve anything different.
Still to, you may find that you enjoy taking care of people and you just see this type of relationship as that vehicle. You recognize the care and attention the other person needs and think to yourself that if you only love them enough they will love you and respect you back. Unfortunately, that isn't so.
So...the first step in getting out and staying out of a toxic relationship is to realize that you do have choices. Very often people who stay in these relationships have low self esteem or suffer from depression and think they have no choices.
Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
Don't be one of your own worst enemies. Don't go on a guilt trip that you don't need to go on.
For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.
The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships.
Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.
Others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.
The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Sometimes, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.
The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away. If your significant other realizes that you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you. The cycle will continue just the way it is.
Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection.
Don’t nag the other person. Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.” Don't be demanding, just make your feelings known. Remember that the other person is not a mind reader, but they do need to be made aware of how you feel or they will continue on their rampage of dominance.
If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.
A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Learn How To Get Him Back
Are you yearning for days from the past when you two were in love and your relationship set you on top of the world? Are you hoping to rekindle a lost romance? Are you interested in giving a passionate, yet restless relationship another chance? Follow the steps detailed below and you can learn how to get him back.
1) The most useful piece of information that I can give you is to always remember that patience is a virtue. Do not rush anything.
Start things off with simply and small actions whenever you pass your ex. Maybe you should just wave and say hello every so often. You should maintain eye contact so that he knows you are communicating with him and not with somebody else, but do not let it go much further than this. Don't make your eye contact one of those leering, sexually responding types of glares. Remember, less is best.
2) You should make an attempt to talk to him when you can but remember to slowly implement conversation. Remember that you should keep your conversation brief, and rather basic in nature. Do not reveal too much, because mystery is actually quite appealing for many men. Also, if you run into him at a party or a social gathering, if your friends come into the room, you may consider stopping the conversation to return to them. But don't be rude or conniving. This will let him know that while the communication between the two of you is nice, he is not your highest priority right now. Don't be afraid to flirt a little bit here and there as well. But just a little.
3) Keep things fresh. Make sure that you look good and smell good. Appeal to all of his senses. Keep things changed up on a fairly regular basis in order to keep him interested in you. You should put some thought into your appearance because maintaining your good looks will show confidence and respect for yourself. A confident (but not egotistical or arrogant) body is something that most men find quite sexy and attractive.
4) Don't be afraid to throw a few honest compliments out there every so often. You are going to want to make sure that your ex feels good any time he is around you if you really want to get your ex back, so you want to make him feel good about himself. Talk about the good times that you and he spent together, bringing up good memories from the past. Help him remember some of the best highlights from the days of your relationship and enjoy the reminiscing. If he feels good when he is with you then you have already positioned yourself as a person he wants to associate with.
Try to become your ex's friend. First and foremost, this is a must. Then if he wants you back as more than just a friend, he will let you know. Remember what people who have been together for a long time say, you must be friends first, then in later days when things are not as attractive or situations may have changed (and not necessarily for the better) you will still have your friendship to hold you close. Be his friend, open up to him, show him a nice time, and if his feelings for you are rekindled, he will let you know. Take things slowly and don't act too needy. Instead, just play it cool and let him come to you. If things are meant to be, they will be, and you will learn how to get him back through the process.
Consider these ideas...
Did something get misunderstood between you and your boyfriend, causing one or both of you to flee? If you thought that the two of you were well on your way to creating a happy relationship and then somehow fell off the track, don't worry! It is possible to learn how to get your ex boyfriend back with the right steps and a basic understanding of how to go about it.
First, you are going to want to ask yourself some serious questions. The answers to these questions are really important when it comes to figuring out how to get your ex boyfriend back.
- Is the matter that caused the breakup actually important enough to warrant the attention it is getting? Sometimes we read a whole lot more into a situation than it actually should receive. I'm sure you have heard of making a mountain out of a molehill. This would apply here. Women especially have a difficult time with this, because, as I have stated in other articles, women converse using all of their senses. Men don't. So a man can say something and mean nothing more than exactly what he says, but a women can conceive those same words and have them result in hurt feelings. Make sure that you are not blowing things out of proportion.
- Is it even really appropriate to argue about this matter right now? Maybe this really doesn't even matter. It's like arguing over spilled milk. Once it's spilled, it's dumb to argue about who spilled it. What's done is done and we have to figure a way to forgive and go on. Clean up the mess together and move forward. No one can move into the future if they are holding on to the past.
- Can anything be changed or made different by rehashing the argument over and over or is it more worthwhile to just nip the argument in the bud and move on? Don't waste the space in your head (or in your life) dwelling on should haves or could haves. Let's just go with what we've got!
- Is the issue even worth arguing about in the first place? It might seem like it at first, until you consider the repercussions and then realize it is but a tiny pixel in the photograph of your life.
If you answer no to any of the aforementioned questions after considering all the particulars, then stop pressing the matter and get on with your relationship. Many break ups can be prevented or quickly rekindled by considering the reality of the situation. Surprisingly enough, many breakup inducing arguments are really completely unnecessary. Many arguments could be cast aside if only the parties involved would let the tension slide and move on. Look at yourself. Some introspection might prove to show that you are just looking for an argument.
The next step to learning how to get your ex boyfriend back is to stop fretting so hard about how you are being perceived. It really does not matter if people think you are funny or too serious, fat or too thin, stupid or intelligent. You want to be yourself and let your behavior be natural and show. This way, people like your ex boyfriend, will perceive you for who you actually are, rather than who you are trying to be. You can't possibly hope to build a relationship based on lies and disguises, so don't even try!
Emotionally and mentally distancing yourself from your ex is an important step in learning how to get your ex boyfriend back. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is actually important to take yourself out of the situation mentally, removing the stress associated with the break up. When you are feeling more calmed and relaxed, and he is feeling the same, this is when a true resolution can finally become a part of the dialogue between the two of you. A little bit of distance never hurt anyone. Clear your mind and see the things the way they really are. It's important to stay in contact and maintain positive conversation and communication, but take the emotions out of the situation if you want to survive the conversation.
Once your head is clear, and his head is clear, this is when the situation can be truly analyzed for what it is. When you and your ex are no longer feeling so hot headed about the issue that led to the breakup, this is when you can sit down together and communicate enough to build a solution.
Most breakups can be easily undone if you and your ex boyfriend can simply find the patience and civility to talk things through. This should be your primary goal if you want to rekindle the flame with an ex significant other that you care so deeply for.
These are just the beginning steps in how to win your ex boyfriend back without driving him further away.
For more ideas you will want to read a book written to repair relationships by T 'Dub' Jackson. He authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan called "The Magic Of Making Up". And you know, it worked like magic for me.
1) The most useful piece of information that I can give you is to always remember that patience is a virtue. Do not rush anything.
Start things off with simply and small actions whenever you pass your ex. Maybe you should just wave and say hello every so often. You should maintain eye contact so that he knows you are communicating with him and not with somebody else, but do not let it go much further than this. Don't make your eye contact one of those leering, sexually responding types of glares. Remember, less is best.
2) You should make an attempt to talk to him when you can but remember to slowly implement conversation. Remember that you should keep your conversation brief, and rather basic in nature. Do not reveal too much, because mystery is actually quite appealing for many men. Also, if you run into him at a party or a social gathering, if your friends come into the room, you may consider stopping the conversation to return to them. But don't be rude or conniving. This will let him know that while the communication between the two of you is nice, he is not your highest priority right now. Don't be afraid to flirt a little bit here and there as well. But just a little.
3) Keep things fresh. Make sure that you look good and smell good. Appeal to all of his senses. Keep things changed up on a fairly regular basis in order to keep him interested in you. You should put some thought into your appearance because maintaining your good looks will show confidence and respect for yourself. A confident (but not egotistical or arrogant) body is something that most men find quite sexy and attractive.
4) Don't be afraid to throw a few honest compliments out there every so often. You are going to want to make sure that your ex feels good any time he is around you if you really want to get your ex back, so you want to make him feel good about himself. Talk about the good times that you and he spent together, bringing up good memories from the past. Help him remember some of the best highlights from the days of your relationship and enjoy the reminiscing. If he feels good when he is with you then you have already positioned yourself as a person he wants to associate with.
Try to become your ex's friend. First and foremost, this is a must. Then if he wants you back as more than just a friend, he will let you know. Remember what people who have been together for a long time say, you must be friends first, then in later days when things are not as attractive or situations may have changed (and not necessarily for the better) you will still have your friendship to hold you close. Be his friend, open up to him, show him a nice time, and if his feelings for you are rekindled, he will let you know. Take things slowly and don't act too needy. Instead, just play it cool and let him come to you. If things are meant to be, they will be, and you will learn how to get him back through the process.
Consider these ideas...
Did something get misunderstood between you and your boyfriend, causing one or both of you to flee? If you thought that the two of you were well on your way to creating a happy relationship and then somehow fell off the track, don't worry! It is possible to learn how to get your ex boyfriend back with the right steps and a basic understanding of how to go about it.
First, you are going to want to ask yourself some serious questions. The answers to these questions are really important when it comes to figuring out how to get your ex boyfriend back.
- Is the matter that caused the breakup actually important enough to warrant the attention it is getting? Sometimes we read a whole lot more into a situation than it actually should receive. I'm sure you have heard of making a mountain out of a molehill. This would apply here. Women especially have a difficult time with this, because, as I have stated in other articles, women converse using all of their senses. Men don't. So a man can say something and mean nothing more than exactly what he says, but a women can conceive those same words and have them result in hurt feelings. Make sure that you are not blowing things out of proportion.
- Is it even really appropriate to argue about this matter right now? Maybe this really doesn't even matter. It's like arguing over spilled milk. Once it's spilled, it's dumb to argue about who spilled it. What's done is done and we have to figure a way to forgive and go on. Clean up the mess together and move forward. No one can move into the future if they are holding on to the past.
- Can anything be changed or made different by rehashing the argument over and over or is it more worthwhile to just nip the argument in the bud and move on? Don't waste the space in your head (or in your life) dwelling on should haves or could haves. Let's just go with what we've got!
- Is the issue even worth arguing about in the first place? It might seem like it at first, until you consider the repercussions and then realize it is but a tiny pixel in the photograph of your life.
If you answer no to any of the aforementioned questions after considering all the particulars, then stop pressing the matter and get on with your relationship. Many break ups can be prevented or quickly rekindled by considering the reality of the situation. Surprisingly enough, many breakup inducing arguments are really completely unnecessary. Many arguments could be cast aside if only the parties involved would let the tension slide and move on. Look at yourself. Some introspection might prove to show that you are just looking for an argument.
The next step to learning how to get your ex boyfriend back is to stop fretting so hard about how you are being perceived. It really does not matter if people think you are funny or too serious, fat or too thin, stupid or intelligent. You want to be yourself and let your behavior be natural and show. This way, people like your ex boyfriend, will perceive you for who you actually are, rather than who you are trying to be. You can't possibly hope to build a relationship based on lies and disguises, so don't even try!
Emotionally and mentally distancing yourself from your ex is an important step in learning how to get your ex boyfriend back. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is actually important to take yourself out of the situation mentally, removing the stress associated with the break up. When you are feeling more calmed and relaxed, and he is feeling the same, this is when a true resolution can finally become a part of the dialogue between the two of you. A little bit of distance never hurt anyone. Clear your mind and see the things the way they really are. It's important to stay in contact and maintain positive conversation and communication, but take the emotions out of the situation if you want to survive the conversation.
Once your head is clear, and his head is clear, this is when the situation can be truly analyzed for what it is. When you and your ex are no longer feeling so hot headed about the issue that led to the breakup, this is when you can sit down together and communicate enough to build a solution.
Most breakups can be easily undone if you and your ex boyfriend can simply find the patience and civility to talk things through. This should be your primary goal if you want to rekindle the flame with an ex significant other that you care so deeply for.
These are just the beginning steps in how to win your ex boyfriend back without driving him further away.
For more ideas you will want to read a book written to repair relationships by T 'Dub' Jackson. He authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan called "The Magic Of Making Up". And you know, it worked like magic for me.
Friday, December 4, 2009
What If My Ex Wants More Space?
Have you ever been a relationship which is so powerful and makes the world seem bright and perfect when, all of a sudden, it seems like a tornado has ripped your heart out because your boyfriend tells you that he needs more space? Almost everyone has experienced this at one time or another.
There are many reasons why your boyfriend feels this way. Family problems, insecurities, or a fear of commitment are just a few. It's not that he physically needs more space, but often times his head is reeling with so many haunting ideas that he feels like he's got to simplify and pare down his emotions. Here are some tips for answering the age old "how to get my ex back" question if your ex boyfriend decides that he needs more space.
1) Give him some space. Don't be smothering him by making more demands on his time. It might even be ideal to play a little bit hard to get at first, in order to show him that yes, it was his loss and not your own. You definitely don't want to lose your pride, or to allow him to get the best of you. Clearly you are still in love with him. Show him this by respecting his wishes for a little bit of space.
2) Keep communication to a minimum in order to keep the level of drama to a minimum. Short text messages, brief phone calls and online conversations in passing are all a great way to remind him how much he wants to be a part of your life without overwhelming him with your presence when he may actually want and need space. Remember that conversation to a man is a totally different concept than it is to a woman, so he may not want to pour out his heart, but that's okay. You just want him to know that you are there if he needs someone to talk to.
3) Respect him. He's got to know that you respect him. And his wishes. If he knows this then eventually he will begin to show significant interest in you again. This will give you the chance to truly begin to reminisce with him. Keep in mind that your major focus should be primarily on all of the good memories associated with your relationship in the past. While rekindling a relationship with your ex boyfriend, you are going to want to stay away from the bad experiences and negative experiences in case they conjure bad feelings. You don't want to undo your hard work.
4) If your boyfriend is not responding to your slow and subtle advances in the way you would like, you need to take it for what it is. Either he just really is not interested in you right now, or he really does just need space and you should give it to him. Remember that men cannot multi-task. Your relationship with him may not be on the front burner and he just can't focus on it right now.That does not mean that he doesn't care. If he seems to be interested in you more than before, or is slowly warming up to you again, then you should continue gradually advancing on him to rekindle the relationship. But don't push. I still remember that physics analogy about following the path of least resistance. And most men do!
5) If your ex boyfriend is giving you the right signals, you can try to open your heart up to him. Let him know how you feel, but avoid looking desperate or needy in the process. If your ex is showing you that he is thinking about rekindling things, then it would be healthy to be open with him. If his signals are pointing at some other object, it may be wiser to step back and let things happen more naturally. You don't want to overwhelm him.
These are just the beginning steps in winning your ex back.
There are many reasons why your boyfriend feels this way. Family problems, insecurities, or a fear of commitment are just a few. It's not that he physically needs more space, but often times his head is reeling with so many haunting ideas that he feels like he's got to simplify and pare down his emotions. Here are some tips for answering the age old "how to get my ex back" question if your ex boyfriend decides that he needs more space.
1) Give him some space. Don't be smothering him by making more demands on his time. It might even be ideal to play a little bit hard to get at first, in order to show him that yes, it was his loss and not your own. You definitely don't want to lose your pride, or to allow him to get the best of you. Clearly you are still in love with him. Show him this by respecting his wishes for a little bit of space.
2) Keep communication to a minimum in order to keep the level of drama to a minimum. Short text messages, brief phone calls and online conversations in passing are all a great way to remind him how much he wants to be a part of your life without overwhelming him with your presence when he may actually want and need space. Remember that conversation to a man is a totally different concept than it is to a woman, so he may not want to pour out his heart, but that's okay. You just want him to know that you are there if he needs someone to talk to.
3) Respect him. He's got to know that you respect him. And his wishes. If he knows this then eventually he will begin to show significant interest in you again. This will give you the chance to truly begin to reminisce with him. Keep in mind that your major focus should be primarily on all of the good memories associated with your relationship in the past. While rekindling a relationship with your ex boyfriend, you are going to want to stay away from the bad experiences and negative experiences in case they conjure bad feelings. You don't want to undo your hard work.
4) If your boyfriend is not responding to your slow and subtle advances in the way you would like, you need to take it for what it is. Either he just really is not interested in you right now, or he really does just need space and you should give it to him. Remember that men cannot multi-task. Your relationship with him may not be on the front burner and he just can't focus on it right now.That does not mean that he doesn't care. If he seems to be interested in you more than before, or is slowly warming up to you again, then you should continue gradually advancing on him to rekindle the relationship. But don't push. I still remember that physics analogy about following the path of least resistance. And most men do!
5) If your ex boyfriend is giving you the right signals, you can try to open your heart up to him. Let him know how you feel, but avoid looking desperate or needy in the process. If your ex is showing you that he is thinking about rekindling things, then it would be healthy to be open with him. If his signals are pointing at some other object, it may be wiser to step back and let things happen more naturally. You don't want to overwhelm him.
These are just the beginning steps in winning your ex back.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
How Do I Get My Ex Back After He Has Moved On?
Have you broken up with your boyfriend, and are now asking for help like 'how do I get my ex back when he's moved on'? Don't spend time moping, because breaking up and losing that relationship does not mean you have lost it forever. Here are some simple tips for learning how to get your ex back even if he has moved on to another woman. Even if he no longer appears to be interested in associating with you. The magic is in the fact that you can still repair your previous relationship.
1) The first step in getting the man of your dreams back into your life is finding a way to convince him that he still wants you. Unless he really, really does not want anything to do with you, then there are a lot of options that you can pursue from this point on.
2) One of the most advantageous things that you can do is simply to be his friend. Be a really good friend to him, showing him that you understand him and that you can be around him without creating any drama. Show him that you can joke around with him and have a healthy friendship with him. When the drama and stress of the relationship and breakup have subsided, he may realize that he wants you again. After all, if he loved you before then he probably still has a spark which just has to be re-ignited to be a full sized flame.
3) When you communicate with your ex boyfriend, be sweet and kind to him, but don't be afraid to have a little bit of attitude. Be confident of who you are without him. You are going to want to give him the feeling that he cannot have you just yet. Since playing games is not the best way to go then you do not want give an air of hard to get. You do want to make him more interested in the process of being with you, but that means that you don't want to be clingy and begging for him.
4) You should be playing a little bit hard to get, but you also want to make sure that he knows you are interested and available. You shouldn't completely rule out the concept of a bit of flirting and hanging out with friends, because drumming up a little bit of jealousy never hurt anyone, but it is important that you play it straight. If he doesn't think you are available, he probably will not find the motivation to pursue you.
5) Avoid acting desperate at all costs. If you act desperate, your ex boyfriend will under estimate you. You are going to want to play things cool, letting him know that you are okay with everything that has happened, and that you are willing to move on. If you act desperate, things won't work out the way you are intending them to, so avoid doing this at all costs. Again, avoid acting clingy and being perceived as desperate.
6) Any time that you know he is looking at you, or if you feel like he is looking at you, look at him out of the corner of your eye. This sidelong glance will let him know that you are paying attention to him, but in a mysterious kind of way. Never underestimate the power of eye contact in this way. It is teasingly romantic.
7) Casually remind him of some of the best times that you have had together. These good memories will help him to remember how good the two of you used to be together. Don't bring up any bad memories, because it will only hurt his bad side and stir up feelings of resentment, which will not do you any good. Remember that the only way to get on with the future is to get over the past.
These are just the beginning steps in winning your ex back.
If these ideas stir your interest and you'd like to see some free videos and get some more ideas, then look here.
1) The first step in getting the man of your dreams back into your life is finding a way to convince him that he still wants you. Unless he really, really does not want anything to do with you, then there are a lot of options that you can pursue from this point on.
2) One of the most advantageous things that you can do is simply to be his friend. Be a really good friend to him, showing him that you understand him and that you can be around him without creating any drama. Show him that you can joke around with him and have a healthy friendship with him. When the drama and stress of the relationship and breakup have subsided, he may realize that he wants you again. After all, if he loved you before then he probably still has a spark which just has to be re-ignited to be a full sized flame.
3) When you communicate with your ex boyfriend, be sweet and kind to him, but don't be afraid to have a little bit of attitude. Be confident of who you are without him. You are going to want to give him the feeling that he cannot have you just yet. Since playing games is not the best way to go then you do not want give an air of hard to get. You do want to make him more interested in the process of being with you, but that means that you don't want to be clingy and begging for him.
4) You should be playing a little bit hard to get, but you also want to make sure that he knows you are interested and available. You shouldn't completely rule out the concept of a bit of flirting and hanging out with friends, because drumming up a little bit of jealousy never hurt anyone, but it is important that you play it straight. If he doesn't think you are available, he probably will not find the motivation to pursue you.
5) Avoid acting desperate at all costs. If you act desperate, your ex boyfriend will under estimate you. You are going to want to play things cool, letting him know that you are okay with everything that has happened, and that you are willing to move on. If you act desperate, things won't work out the way you are intending them to, so avoid doing this at all costs. Again, avoid acting clingy and being perceived as desperate.
6) Any time that you know he is looking at you, or if you feel like he is looking at you, look at him out of the corner of your eye. This sidelong glance will let him know that you are paying attention to him, but in a mysterious kind of way. Never underestimate the power of eye contact in this way. It is teasingly romantic.
7) Casually remind him of some of the best times that you have had together. These good memories will help him to remember how good the two of you used to be together. Don't bring up any bad memories, because it will only hurt his bad side and stir up feelings of resentment, which will not do you any good. Remember that the only way to get on with the future is to get over the past.
These are just the beginning steps in winning your ex back.
If these ideas stir your interest and you'd like to see some free videos and get some more ideas, then look here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)